Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Doing the Jelly roll

I am loved. I have an amazing girlfriend and an incredible group of friends. I am as comfortable with them as with my own family, possibly even more so in fact. So, after a day of hanging out, we decide, our friends and I, to go to the marina and look for jellyfish. We found dozens, floating on or just below the surface of the water. Many of these alien blobs floated right next to the boat docks. Close enough to lean over and touch! So I did.

I turned to the people I love and announced my intentions, and they all encouraged me to follow my dreams, if this was indeed a dream, and if I was stung, they all volunteered to pee on my leg. Well, all but ML. If a classier woman exists, I do not know her. ML will play along with most of my schemes, but she has a dignity and grace that allow her to choose when to participate and when to walk away. My other friends, though, all jockeyed for prime peeing position in the off chance that I got stung.

A jellyfish sting is said to be horrifically painful, and urine is said to alleviate the pain down from excruciating to merely throbbing. Of course, vodka has proven to be just as effective, but not nearly as to talk about. So, armed with the knowledge I gleaned from Finding Nemo, specifically that you can touch a jelly on top, I walked down the dock to a swarm of jellies. Of course, I do have some intelligence, that ain't just a hat rack on top of my shoulders, and wasn't about to just thrust my hands into a swarm of these freaky things. But isolated a few inches away from the group, was the king of the jellies. A Frisbee size, (regulation issue, not those cheap 99 cent store discs), jellyfish bobbed to the surface, daring me...taunting me to touch. Tentatively I reached out a finger and brushed the top of the transparent glop. It felt like rubberized Jell-O, so I poked it again. Jell-O yes, but you could feel the life there too. The freaky thing pulsed and moved and slowly descended from my probing but I had accomplished my goal while my friends all looked on.

I suddenly wanted to do it again, but somehow the jellies sensed the threat, and soon formed a tighter bunch, with their tentacles lying across the tops of their buddies, so it was hard to tell their gelatinous mass ended and stinging pain began. I decided not to press my luck.

Sure my friends all sent me out alone to face the flying saucer of the deep, but it was comforting to know that they all stood by ready to drench me if needed. Of course one still wanted to pee on me anyway. But that's friendship for you.


Mr. Gin and Tonic said...

Perhaps we can incorporate friends-peeing-on-you into the wedding.

Bill said...

Unfortunately that line would be way too long!